


You Have Been and Always Will Be

by CastielsProfoundBees



Series: Observatory 2b [3]
Category: Star Trek
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Nightmares, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Tarsus IV, Temporary Character Death, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26129059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsProfoundBees/pseuds/CastielsProfoundBees
Summary: Maybe he would clear away Jim’s belongings, or maybe he would meditate throughout several nights. Jim fixes his blue eyes on Spock, pleads a dying man’s wish.“I’m scared Spock… help me not be. How do you do it?”__As all things seem to happen, Spock finds himself in Observatory 2b. He is off duty and has been at the Doctor’s request for the past 13.67 days. He does not know what to do with himself. He does not know what to do without Jim, without his wit and his smile. He has reached and yet did not take hold, if he did maybe this would not have happened.His hands tightened. The Doctor said Jim would be waking in the next couple days.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: Observatory 2b [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887016
Comments: 1
Kudos: 119





	You Have Been and Always Will Be

“Engineering to bridge, Mr. Spock,” comes the receiver.

“Mr. Scott.”

“Sir, you’d better get down here. Ya better hurry.”

___

There could only be one explanation. Spock can calculate the odds as long as he wants, alter the variables if he pleases, but there is only one outcome. They were set to crash, were in fact crashing. He gets up and he runs. Scotty is by the door, and with a simple shake of his head Spock knows he is too late. 

“Open it,” Spock commands. 

Scotty’s eyes are sympathetic, if only a little frustrated. “The decontamination process isn’t complete. Ya’d flood the whole compartment.”

Beyond the floor and the Doctor and the nervous ensign is James T. Kirk sitting behind a thick pane of protective glass. James T. Kirk is not moving, and for a brief moment, Spock’s mind reaches the illogical conclusion that he is simply resting. Perhaps repairing the warp core and nothing more. Impossible as that may be, the ship is under attack and Khan is leading the cause. Spock doesn’t breathe. The Captain has always seemed a level above an ordinary man, immune to fate and always able to sway the outcome. Yet here Spock is, kneeling in front of the same man as he dies.

Jim’s eyes are wide and unfocused. “How’s our ship?”

“Out of danger. You saved the crew,” Spock relays quietly in almost disbelief. 

There’s a pause for a moment. Jim looks relieved if only mildly, there is no work around for what is about to happen. He is a smart man, he knows he is going to die. Where he could not die on Tarsus IV, he would die here. How funny to live so long and through so much, only to die of a few petty mistakes. Most of all, he grieved for the Doctor and for Spock. Bones who would drink his way up to the funeral and Spock who would scarcely show his face lest it reveal something. No, instead Spock would stay in their now joint quarters. Maybe he would clear away Jim’s belongings, or maybe he would meditate throughout several nights. Jim fixes his blue eyes on Spock, pleads a dying man’s wish.

“I’m scared Spock… help me not be. How do you do it?” 

This is what it takes for the facade to finally break. They had only just begun, their story just started. Had Ambassador Spock not told him they would be gifted a friendship that would shape both of them? Surely, this is not what he intended. Suddenly all else seems unimportant, his t’hy’la is dying right here and right now. Yet he can scarcely hold him, can scarcely hold a brave face for him. His eyes water. 

“I do not know. Right now I-, I am failing.” The proclamation is watery and tinged with grief. 

“I need you to know why I loved you, why I couldn’t let you go, I-” Jim begins desperately. 

Spock cuts him off, “because you are, and have always been, my friend. I have loved you most tenderly, ashayam.” 

A single tear falls from outside the warp core. Jim raises his hand to the glass, a last move to reach out and comfort. Spock repeats the movement in an automatic ta’al. Jim’s face crumples in emotion, but eventually and inevitably becomes unfocused. His hand drops. 

Decks above hear as Spock bellows Khan’s name.  
__

As all things seem to happen, Spock finds himself in Observatory 2b. He is in traditional, albeit casual, Vulcan robes. He is off duty and has been at the Doctor’s request for the past 13.67 days. The same amount of time Jim has been in the recovery room. At the thought of him Spock’s hands tighten behind his back and he is forced to let his posture relax. He does not know what to do with himself. He does not know what to do without Jim, without his wit and his smile. He has reached and yet he did not take hold, if he did maybe this would not have happened. Perhaps Jim would be in their quarters convincing Spock that “watching a holo would actually be very efficient right now, thank you very much.” Spock’s brow furrows, a rare show of frustration and yet there is no one here to see it. 

“He’s going to be okay, Spock. I don’t know when he’ll be up, but-” Spock recalled the Doctor telling him. 

“That will be all. Thank you,” he remembered cutting him off.  
“Spock, now just one moment - damn you. Is that all you have to say?”

His voice was hoarse and tight and so Spock did not answer. He did not hold the good Doctor’s gaze, but rather shifted it slightly to the left. It had been 2.8 days at this point, and he had not rested nor meditated. Though Spock could tell the Doctor Vulcan’s required less sleep than humans, the Doctor could see its toll on his face. In the sallowness of Spock’s cheeks and the shadows in his eyes. He probably looked the same. 

“You shouldn’t be working, Spock. You need to rest, I can make it an order if I have to, but I don’t want to.” 

Spock did not move. 

“Okay, then. I’ll file it tonight. Leave.” He gestured to the door with no result. “Now.”

So Spock left. Walked into his and Jim’s empty quarters, and meditated.

Now he was here in Observatory 2b, over ten days later. He did not bother to calculate just how many days later. His hands tightened. The Doctor said Jim would be waking in the next couple days.  
_

Jim woke to hard dirt and dewy grass. He was alone and he was starving. He knew he was dying, had known it for a while. He needed to hold on though, just for a while, just until he could get the others out. He had already lost too many, let them out of his grasp, failed them miserably. His sight blurred and he squeezed his eyes shut and he cried. Loud and humiliating, Jim laid on the dirt and sobbed. He missed Winona even though he also hated her, but every child sought the comfort of a mother at some point. Yet he had turned to her and she had not defended him. Now he was here. 

When he opened his eyes the trees had moved in on him, slowly closing in to suffocate him. He scrambled up to his arms and legs and scurried backwards only to meet hard and unrelenting trees there too. He was going to suffocate and not starve, how cruel fate could be. His cheeks were still damp and his eyes raw, he hugged in on himself, what was left and screamed. 

The impact never came. He opened an eye and found himself older and stronger. He was still dying. Some things never change no matter how loud you scream. He was lying down again and staring into Spock’s eyes warped by glass. He realized faintly he was scared, and then almost suddenly that he was petrified. He went to breathe in and found no air, only the thick smell of the Warp Core and its clinging heat. He looked up at Spock, why was he not helping him? Why was he in here? 

A tear fell down Spock’s cheek and his chin trembled. Jim knew he was dying. 

Then he awakened.  
__

Bones woke with a start from a sharp movement at Jim’s bedside. He brought his hands up to rub his eyes and realized the movement was Jim. A smile braced his face instantly. 

“My God, he lives!” Bones stands and clicks the intercom nearest to him, alerts a nurse of Jim’s status and returns to his bedside. 

“Bones?” Jim’s voice is rougher than he remembered. 

“The one who saved your ass, yes it’s me, of course,” Bones exclaims in his usual timbre and dryness, but with a smile. And a hypo. 

Jim pushes himself up onto his elbows. “Where’s Spock?”

The sigh Jim gets in response is of no comfort. Bones must notice because he brings his hand up as if to shoo the notion away. “He’s fine, Jim. The only reason he isn’t here is because I had to kick him out. He asks about you every other hour, on the dot mind you.”

“Can I see him?” 

Bones sighs. Brings his hand to rub the back of his neck and then after a moment, finally, relents. “Let me call him in, but first you need to take this hypo, these pills, I need to check your vitals, and I need to-”  
__

Spock receives the message on his padd not ten minutes from when he returns from Observatory 2b. 

“He’s up,” it reads.  
That’s all Spock needs. He is up and running down the hall before he can even close out the communicator application. 

He arrives at Jim’s door and inserts his override code, all officers have them, and the doors slide open to reveal Jim. Awake and alive, his James is living. 

Jim twists his head toward the door. “Spock!”

“I’ll be taking my leave now. I’ll be back in ten though, no later,” Bones instructs as he promptly leaves. 

Spock moves to sit in the chair nearest to Jim’s bed. He grabs Jim’s hand and envelops it in his own. He fears his eyes have begun to water again, Surak would surely be disappointed. 

“Jim, I believed you to be dead. This past week without you has been as if life without color and hope.”

“And without you no meaning,” Jim echoes back to him. He lays back down as a grin spreads across his face lazily and tears slide down the uppermost part of his cheeks. 

Jim lets out a low chuckle. “You gotta try these sedatives sometime though, I mean I think I could beat you at chess like this.”

His Jim was indeed alive.  
__

Observatory 2b is quiet during Beta shift as Alpha shift changes to sleep. The air moves different, or at least Jim thinks it does. It’s been another two weeks and he returns to command tomorrow after a meeting with Starfleet. He’s excited despite the fact he has to don his dress uniform. Mostly he’s excited to be back, to be up and around, especially with Spock at his side. Speaking of which, Spock has just gotten off his Alpha shift as Acting Captain and Jim’s pretty sure he can hear the doors behind him slide open.

Jim turns and smiles wide, “Spock. How was Alpha?”

“Adequate Jim, thank you for asking.” 

Spock continues forward and, instead of joining his hands behind his back, slides them around Jim’s middle to hug him from behind. He rests his chin atop Jim’s unruly hair. He hasn’t commented on it, but since he’s gotten back on his feet, Spock hardly keeps to himself. He seems to prefer to have at least one hand on or near Jim. Though Jim knows he’ll restrain himself come his first shift back tomorrow, he appreciates the sentiment. Appreciates having someone look out for him when other people have not. 

“James, I have something to ask you.” 

Jim hears him through the reverberations on his back more than hears the word. He laughs, “it must be serious if you’re using James, Mr. S’chn T’gai Spock.” 

At his almost definitely poorly pronounced full name, Jim knows Spock is lifting an eyebrow. 

“In my culture there is a rare pairing of people known as ‘t’hy’la’. In Standard it can be loosely translated into “friend, brother, or lover.”

Jim hums in response, “You’ve mentioned it.” 

“I believe we are such a pairing. Records of t’hy’la are low in numbers, but they are said to be inseparable. I experienced what I believed to be a life without you and I wish to never experience it again.” Spock untangles himself from his hold on Jim to look him in the eye.

Jim’s brow furrows, “what are you implying, Spock?”

“I would like to have you in any way possible. I wish to never let go of this simple feeling.” He pauses, “my people bond, but yours marry. I would like that, all of it, if you would have me.”

There’s a moment of silence. Jim’s eyes narrow into mock anger and then almost immediately into rambunctious laughter.

Spock is affronted. “What have I done wrong?”

“You ass! You knew I had rings on order from Starbase Eleven!” He digs into his pocket to reveal a sleek metal box that opens to reveal two gold banded rings.

Spock quirks an eyebrow once more, “you know I certainly did not, Jim.” 

Jim pinches the bridge of his nose, but cannot contain his smile. 

“Forget it. Yes, my answer is yes. Of course I want to marry you, bond with you, whatever. All of it. Let’s do everything.”

The corner of Spock’s lips inch upward as he offers an extended two fingers. Jim extends his own to meet Spock’s, but also bounds upwards on the tip of his feet and kisses Spock. It’s not a good kiss, all smile and teeth. Jim has never loved anything more though, and Spock has never loved anyone more, then now.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it through all three parts, or even just the one, thank you! It's been a lot of fun to mess around and not take the story too seriously. I tried to meld TOS and AOS a little, I don't picture any specific one when I write, so if you see something that doesn't seem TOS or AOS accurate, that's why lol. I plan on writing more, probably something longer, but it won't start till at least the next week. 
> 
> As I said last time, I hope everyone is staying safe and wearing their masks. Have a good one!


End file.
